


The Protective Lion and His Lioness

by Codex_6423



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adamant is a rough time for the lion, Cole helps, Cullen is sad, F/M, Panic Attack, a little hurt too, he just wants to protect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-23 02:51:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11393847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Codex_6423/pseuds/Codex_6423
Summary: The battle of Adamant told in Cullen's point of view.





	1. The Start of it All

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave any critiques you might have, thank you so much!

At first he hoped beyond all reasonable measure that everything would go as planned, that all the hours they spent bent over the War Table, pouring over reports and blueprints of the ancient dwarven fortress wasn't in vain and that they were truly prepared for the battle ahead. Everyone around him had hope in their eyes, the beginning light of victory already twinkling in his soldier's hearts as the defenses fell against their siege equipment; the roars of battle swelling around him. Everyone was so optimistic, so why was it that he couldn't banish the feelings of panic that swelled in his heart?  
The door's broke under the battering ram with a sound resembling thunder and his hand instinctively clutched the hilt to his sword tight tight tight as he watched the shock of silver hair disappear into the building. The Commander followed shortly after, weaving through his forces as they advanced quickly and swarmed the walls to fight demons and Wardens alike. His feet moved on his own accord, stepping over tossed weapons, a stray body that fell over the battlements and then the remains of the door.  
He entered just as she turned to look behind her, their eyes looked, melted honey meeting bright blue, Commander meeting Inquisitor. He wanted to say so many things, wanted her to understand why panic made his heart stutter like a galloping horse in his chest when he imagined her rushing into danger again. So many what if's danced into his mind, so many possibilities that could make the battle change tides so fast that their forces would be scrabbling to keep up. He wanted to convince her to take him with her, let me watch your back Maker please. His fingers itched to grab her and stop her from rushing deeper into this battle, from rushing farther away from him, but even as his mind and heart battled internally he knew his duty and her own.  
So he shoved hard against the protectiveness in his heart, and the edges of panic in his mind and faced her every bit of the strong Commander she trusted with her army, and her heart. "Alright Inquisitor, you have your way in, best to make use of it. We'll keep the main host of demons occupied as long as we can."  
She frowned, he saw her fingers twitch and wondered if she wanted to reach for him as much as he did her. "I'll be fine. Just keep the men safe."  
A bile taste swam in the back of his throat, why did this suddenly feel like Haven? The panic resurfaced, roaring its ugly head and shoving back against his mask of the Commander he dared to keep so firmly in place. "We'll do what we have to, Inquisitor." She nodded, and unsheathed her daggers from her back as she took a step back toward Cassandra, Dorian, and Varric. He hurried to keep her attention before she ran away toward the increasing sounds of battle that swam around them so thickly he could barely focus on the here and now. "Warden Stroud will guard your back, Hawke is with our soldiers on the battlements, he's assisting them until you arrive." Above them a loud scream was heard, he turned in time to watch a soldier get pitched over the edge of the battlements, his dying screams dancing and stabbing deeply into Cullen's mind, his eyes found the Shade demon who roared in triumph before returning toward the battle on the battlements. "There's too much resistance on the battlements, our men on the ladders can't get a foothold." He swallowed hard, just another thing for her to deal with. "If you can clear out the enemies on the battlements we'll cover your advance."  
She nodded, her face and eyes softening for a second as she looked at him, he hoped that he looked strong for her sake even though on the inside he was in a constant battle with himself. "Cullen," She whispered and the sound of his name on her tongue made his heart soar for the cloudy sky overhead. She sheathed a blade so she could gently rest a gloved hand against his check. "Stay safe, ma vhenan." His mouth went dry, for a second he feared her moment of vulnerability might be a bad omen, and his heart dropped as she turned her back and barked orders to her companions. They sprinted away, meeting Warden's almost as soon as they left the front courtyard, and Cullen stood there watching them as long as he could before the sounds of his soldier's scrambling sent him back out the walls to control the tide of this battle.  
At first he was entirely occupied with keeping his men strong against the forces on the walls, barking orders, sending the archers and mages toward the back and warriors and Templars at the front to keep them protected as the continued to march on the ancient fortress. At first he almost seemed to forget to worry about the Inquisitor and how she might be faring against the opposing force, but when he heard an ear splitting scream over the sound of battle and war cries his soldier's constantly threw at the walls, his heart plummeted and sweat began accumulating on his palms as he turned in time to see a shock of silver hair pull a soldier who almost fell over the edge of the wall back over. It was brief, but enough to make the worry and panic resurface stronger than before.  
"Cullen!" He turned to see Iron Bull and his Chargers standing behind him, the Qunari's eye's were bright with adrenaline and the hunger for battle. "Figured you might want to join the Charger's and help clear the floors of," His face twisted with disgust for a second. "Demons and such."  
He glanced back at his leading officer, who nodded. "We're good here, sir." He nodded, and drew his sword from it's sheath and met the Bull's eyes.  
"I would be glad to." The Charger's roared, smiles breaking out on their faces, and Bull clapped his shoulder firmly giving him a solid shake before turning toward Krem.  
"For every floor we clear the Inquisitor promised a flask of the strongest stuff they have!" Bull readied his heavy heavy axe, a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Let's go!" The Charger's roar seemed to even prevail that of the Inquisition's and for a second Cullen felt the excitement that came with battle settle in his bones as he followed the mercenaries in.  
His sword felt heavy as he jerked it up and through a screaming Despair demon, the ice just beginning to chip off of his shield and leave his tense muscles as it's body disappeared back into the Fade, next to him Bull laughed heartily, his own language flowing from his tongue as he screamed profanities at the beasts that swam toward them. With one mighty swing he knocked three demon's aside like they were play things and threw back his head to roar in victory as the others scattered away just to picked off by the Charger's. "Yes! That feels good doesn't it, Krem?" He howled with laughter as he chased down a Shade, letting his axe trail behind him before turning his large body and slinging it hard at the demon with all his might. It didn't even have a chance to scream before it died, Krem scowled at the Qunari.  
"As fun as it can be with your large ass running everywhere." The Bull laughed, and Cullen felt his own smile stretch across his face. It was good fighting with such seasoned men, and they were good, well beyond what he first thought when they showed up at Haven all those months ago. Cullen was often surprised at how well they fought together, they were like one singular body moving so fluidly they seemed like they were dancing. And it felt almost like an honor to fight amongst them. Cullen rolled his shoulder's gently, beginning to mount the stairs toward the next floor when Bull howled behind him.  
"Is that you Sera?" Cullen turned, confusion crossing his face for a second, as he followed the Bull's eyes toward the battlements to Solas standing there scowling with Sera perched at his side and Cole standing behind him. "Ha! I didn't think we'd come across you guys!" The Bull rushed past the Commander who hurried to get out of the way of the large man. "Are you moving slow? You know how Karou will be when she hears of that!"  
Sera scowled opening her mouth to pipe a quick smart reply when Cole spoke softly over them. "Worried, worry, pain, and panic. Things are different, she's too quick, I can't keep up." Cullen tensed, eyes settling on the boy with almost a painful clarity. "Protected, protective, I should've went with her." Cole looked up at him under the bridge of his wide hat, eyes darting around quickly. "Loved, loving, heart full to the brim, she fills where I was once empty. The hurt is less loud when she's around, the hurt isn't hurting until it is. Until she is somewhere I can't be with her, until.." His eyes flashed wide. "I should be there now." Solas turned to look at the Commander who felt more exposed than ever, Cole might as well have stripped him of his armor and laid him bare to be judged. He felt naked, and vulnerable and for a second he scrambled for something to say, but before her companions all he could do was stand there and clutch his shield and sword tightly.  
Bull slapped him so hard on the back he stumbled, coughing to catch the breath that was knocked right out of him. "You want to be there?" His face looked as serious as Cullen has ever seen it. "We'll get you there." He turned toward his Charger's and barked orders splitting the group in half to send one over half the floor they were on and the other half to continue following him. "We'll meet at the other side where the stairs go toward the roof you hear me? Be quick."  
He turned to the Commander. "She'll be in the middle of this big place, looking for the Warden Commander. You go on, we'll take care of this." He felt gratitude blossom so fast in his chest for the Qunari that it stunned him a little. "Take those three with you in case you come across any trouble." He nodded toward Solas, Sera and Cole. "We'll see you at the end of this, yeah?" He grinned then charged into the other room with his men on his heels, not giving Cullen the chance to thank him for such generosity.  
Sera frowned. "It's all good, innit? We'll find more baddies for me to stick with arrows, yeah?" Solas sighed and rolled his eyes, ignoring the small elven girl who followed quickly.  
"Commander, I know the way toward the central hall." He pointed his staff down an adjacent hallway from the bottom of the stair's Cullen just climbed. "If we are to reach the Inquisitor in time we must move quickly."  
He gave himself a mental shake, stripping away Cullen and placing the Commander mask back firmly. He couldn't lose it again, not this close to the end, at least he was hoping it was close to the end. "Right, of course."  
The halls were like a twisting maze, they swept through the very rooms Cullen and the Charger's cleared moments ago, moving swiftly but slowly as if not to give anyone - or thing – the chance to attack them first. Cullen led the small company, following Solas's instructions quickly, hoping that every step he took would led him closer to her.  
There was a loud deafening roar, the whole building shook around them knocking Cullen from his feet and sending him sprawling across the chipped stone floor, the sound came again and over the sound of his thunderously beating heart he heard the sound of stone on stone and screaming. The sound echoed down the hallway and as his ears picked up on the word that was carried all across the fortress to every soldier's ear he felt his heart stop.  
"Dragon! Dragon in the keep!" His mouth went dry, fingers blindly clutching for his sword, the panic in his mind so blinding and loud he didn't even bother to check on his companions before rushing down the hallway at a blind run.  
Maker he should've known, should've prepared for something like this, of course Corypheus would send his dragon to keep the Inquisition away from his Warden's and demon army, of course. He mentally abused himself for not thinking that far ahead, for not warning the Inquisitor of such a possibility because of course it was, after Haven just the sight of the dragon alone was enough to give his forces pause. He swallowed back the sour feeling that spread across his tongue and made it feel bigger than what it actually was, struggled to run as quickly down the hallways as he could even as the walls shook around him with every deafening screech from that beast.  
Finally, finally, he broke free of the maze and stumbled into a wide courtyard full of demon's and Warden's fighting Warden's, the rift in the middle of the space sent wave after wave of constant demons on the forces below, friend or foe was at risk for the onslaught from the Fade. Cullen called to Rylen who stood not far off instructing the Inquisition forces as they began to swarm the Courtyard. "Have you seen the Inquisitor?" His voice sounded rushed and panicked even to his own ears and for a second he felt embarrassed to be letting his men see him in such a state of disarray, but Rylen had nothing but understanding on his face as he gestured toward a far stairway that led further into the castle.  
"She went that way, following that Venatori mage and Clarel." He turned his eyes toward the Commander who quickly nodded his thanks and ran for the stairwell, he took the steps two and three at a time, blindly following the demon ichor that splattered the walls and the occasional dead Warden Mage.  
He stumbled as the beast screamed again, the stones beneath him seeming to shift in time with the Dragon's loud roar, grabbing ahold of a nearby torch he clung to the metal brackets until it felt safe to move, and just as he took a step a thunderous crash reached his ears and a scream. Despite the feeling of shifting stones, he scrambled seemingly on hands and knees, frantically up and up and up until he passed the final step to what would've been a large bridge.  
He remembered this in the blueprints Leliana dug up weeks ago, the broken bridge crossed a large valley and led to the other wing of the fortress, but in one of the Blights that the fortress held up against, the bridge collapsed and the Warden's, after hundred of years never bothered fixing it. Now, the dragon crawled across it toward the Inquisitor and her company who was standing on the very edge of the broken bridge, it opened it's large maw and snarled and Cullen felt his entire world shift as it leaned and sprung.  
The scream left his lips before he even fully realized what was happening, a bolt of lightning struck the great Dragon in the chest as it lunged toward the Inquisitor knocking it off balance and sending it sliding across the bridge. The sight froze Cullen to his place, his blood turning to ice in his veins as he watched with painstaking fear, the dragon tumbled off the edge, screaming in it's own frustration. Karou and her company scrambling away as quickly as they could as the bridge broke way under their feet, she paused to turn and grab Stroud before he fell over the edge and as she turned, her hand still tightly clutching the Grey Warden's shoulder, their eyes met across the large expanse and that broke Cullen from his frozen state.  
He sprinted forward, the force of his feet hitting the stone jarred him as he bellowed at Karou. "Run!" He reached for her as she scrambled, hand meeting stone to shove her tiny body up and over a crack that began under her, feet not finding purchase, bright blue eye's turning frantic as she slipped and fell hard on her side. He screamed his chant of no's at her as the bridge split, and her eyes rose to meet his, fear and panic in her eternal depths as her body tumbled over the edge.  
He found himself scrambling toward the edge, even as a loud crash, and boom, and bright flash of green that only appeared for a second before disappearing completely met his ears. He fell to his knees at the broken edge, gripping the jutting stones tightly in his hands as he leaned over the edge to see piles of stone, and where he expected to see a broken Karou laying bleeding, he saw nothing.  
His voice broke in his chest, shattering to nothing along with the tattered remains of his heart, he scrambled back, shaking his head with such energy it made him dizzy. "No no no Maker, no!" He knotted his fingers into his hair, falling to his knees as the world grew dim around him, a tight tight feeling beginning at his throat and spreading to his lungs, making it difficult to breathe. He panted, desperately, desperately, trying to grip onto the real world, fighting against the black that edged his vision, his brain scrambled with panic, his heart thundering so loudly in his chest it resembled the sound of a galloping horse on stone.  
"Help," He gasped, pulling at his hair, squeezing his eyes shut to try and concentrate on slowing his breaths that continued to grow erratic. "Help."  
He felt pressure on his shoulder, and a tan hand wrapped around his wrist gently guiding his hand out of his hair onto the stone below. "Dear Maker Commander, you very well might've pulled all your hair out if it wasn't for dear Cole here." Vivienne chided with a roll of her eyes, she helped Cullen lean back against the stone of the bridge, so he was sitting up and could look around. Behind Vi stood her remaining companions, Solas who looked around carefully, confusion on his face and Iron Bull who was frowning at the Commander.  
"Where's Boss?" Cullen looked away, still feeling the remnants of panic that made his chest hurt with the effort to breathe, remembering the helpless panic in her eyes, the way her lips shaped words he couldn't hear, and wouldn't now. He squeezed his eyes against the thoughts, a sour feeling twisting his stomach in knots as he thought of her, her gentle hands, the feeling of her soft lips on his, the way her hair shone in the sunlight and her eyes danced with surpressed laughter when Josephine chided her for getting out of another meeting with nobles.  
All his memories of her felt like a twisting knife in his heart, and the feeling of tears now swept across him. Her laughter, light as bells and so warm it made him smile, the way she moved with such grace it captivated anyone who saw her walk by, and he was captivated often, by her smile, her eyes who always trailed on him just long enough to make his skin feel like it was on fire.  
"Cole?" Blackwall frowned at the boy who was clutching his ears, digging his fingers into the skin, Cullen watched through half lidded eyes. The boy was doubled over, his daggers laying strewn across the stone, his tiny body trembling slightly. He fell to his knees and the Solas immediately rushed to his side.  
"Scared, scared, scared," The boy chanted, his body trembling harder. "Scared, I can't do this, here, again, lost." Solas frowned.  
"Who are you talking about spirit?"  
Cole leaned back to lock his watery eyes with Cullens. "It's too much, suffocating, how did this happen?" He pressed his hands firmer against his ears, howling as he tried to concentrate on whoever he was listening to. "The mask is slipping, fading like a shadow in sunlight, I should've kissed him." Cullen's head snapped up at that, his heart jumping in his throat. "I should've said," Cole paused, squeezing his eyes tighter shut, teeth biting so hard into his lip Cullen saw a bead of red appear.  
Cullen scrambled forward. "Who are you listening to?" He barked, and the boy looked at him, through him, focusing behind him.  
"Scared, I can't keep this up, not strong enough, but strong enough to push forward for everyone's sake." He gasped. "Golden eyes on a sunny day, lips chapped but warm, laughter so bright it made her heart skip. I will endure, I will kiss him again." Cole focused on Cullen's frantic eyes, a small whisper passing his lips. "You." Cullen reached forward, grabbing his shoulders and giving him a shake.  
"Where is she?" He yelled so loud he heard his voice echo, Solas placed a hand on the Commander's but he squeezed tighter against the boy's armor, his heart so full of hope it hurt and throbbed within his chest. "Where is she Cole?!"  
He shook his head. "She's somewhere I can't reach, she's hurting so loudly and I can't help, I can't reach where the hurt hurts most."  
"I believe I know where she is," Solas's calm voice broke through the hopeful panicked haze that fell over Cullen, he looked up at the elven mage. "The veil has been recently disrupted here, I think she opened a rift when she fell and she fell through into the Fade."  
Iron Bull visibly shuddered. "You mean physically in the Fade?"  
"Yes."  
"Can she come back?" Cullen asked, and his voice was so calm it sent chills down Iron Bull's spine. His mask of Commander was back in place as he stood and faced the elven mage fully, eyes not wavering but pressing firmly into him as he answered.  
"If she fell into the Fade through a rift then she can surely come out through a rift as well." Solas said, leaning casually against his staff.  
"Like the one in the Courtyard?" Bull asked, and Solas nodded.  
"Cole can you continue to listen to her?" Cullen asked, glancing down at the boy.  
"I think, it's so loud.." He frowned, brow creasing. "It's never been this loud before."  
"Keep listening to her, I want updates on where she is, how she is doing, anything and everything." The boy nodded in understanding."Bull and Blackwall," The two warriors locked up, Blackwall who stood so silently looking at Clarel's broken body jumped slightly at the booming tone of the Commander's voice. "Return to the courtyard, keep the troops energized and fight back those demons." They nodded and turned to leave. "Solas, Vivienne and Sera, go back to the courtyard, but go high attack any enemy from above as well as you can. Cole." The boy looked up, his mouth shaping words but not saying them yet. "Go with them, you'll be safest there."  
He trailed behind as the other's rushed to their assignments, looking into the abyss and reaching into his pocket he gently touched the coin there. "Enough luck for us both it seems." He whispered before turning to join Bull and Blackwall to fight back the demons so she could return to them, safely.


	2. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen promised, he promised her, to be her living shield, to protect her, and yet here they are.

 Cullen growled deep in his throat, golden eyes narrowed into dangerous angry slits as he braced his shield arm and threw all his weight into the Terror demon that towered above him, it's body curled around the blow, absorbing it. It screeched, the noise resembling broken glass scrapping against stone and he curled his lip in disgust, taking a step, pressing harder against the demon who lowered its twisted face, wrapping a talon like hand around his shield. It opened its mouth, the sickening smell of old blood and something dead fanning across the Commander's face, and gnashed it's broken, ichor dripping teeth just inches away from his face, he snarled. "You will not be the reason she doesn't return. You will die, and in your place she will come home to me." He glared into the demon's eyes as the words peeled out of his gravelly throat, and with a flash of silver he drove his sword straight in between the demon's sickly yellow eyes.

 It disappeared in a puff of green light, leaving talon marks in the edge of his shield and his sword dripping with ichor. "Yes!" The Iron Bull howled from the other side of the rift, clapping the shoulder of one of Cullen's men and giving him a solid shake. "You showed that demon who's boss!" He howled with laughter, grinning widely as he turned to look at Cullen. "Excellent job teaching these men Cullen!"

 Cullen nodded at the Iron Bull, a glimpse of approval flashing across his face at the Qunari's praise of his army and how well they continued to hold up against the constant waves of demon's. It was difficult for him to even believe that some of them didn't know the proper way to hold a sword or block a blow just a couple months ago, they all have come a very long way and when this is over Cullen made a note to praise them himself for it.

 "Commander!" Solas's voice boomed across the courtyard, Cullen could feel the magic in his words pricking over his skin as the elven mage used sound magic to make his voice louder. He assumed he did so to ensure he had the Commander's attention, for a second he felt his heart aching in his chest at the thought of what he might need to say so urgently, could Cole of learned something new? "The Fade Rift is dormant, no more demon's should be coming through."

 It was like every person in the courtyard released a breath, the tension bled out of his soldier's and some of them took to high fiving one another and shouting in victory, raising their weapons and howling. He turned and nodded at Rylen. "Good work Lieutenant, take the injured to the healer's camp and prepare for departure at any given time." Despite the shouts of victory that swelled around him he still felt defeated – heart heavy in his chest and mind still reeling with unanswered questions, the Inquisitor still has not returned and it scared him. Scared him that Cole was constantly losing his connection with her, scared him that he did not know what she could be going through, what she could be enduring without him at her side.

 " _I can't keep this up, not strong enough_ ," Cole's words rang through his mind, and he feared for her sake, feared for what she would encounter in the Fade, Maker please watch over her and protect her when I can't be there to.

 He remembered the panic in her face, her eyes that were so wild and frantic it made his heart skip a beat in his chest, he didn't save her, couldn't save her.

 He was her Commander, her living shield, he promised to never allow anything like Haven to happen again.

 And yet here they are.

 A broken promise and a heart so broke it hurt to beat.

 Rylen nodded, snapping into a salute. "Ser!" He watched as Rylen left, directing soldier's to gather the wounded, some frowned having been interrupted in their joyous celebration, while others rushed to aid the Lieutenant. Cullen was also proud of the leader Rylen has grown into since the start of the Inquisition, he is one of the most reliable men under Cullen's command and he was finding it easier to leave more responsibility to the Lieutenant.

 "Cullen," The Iron Bull's deep baritone voice came from over his shoulder, and with a sigh the Commander sheathed his blade with a resounding snap as the hilt clicked into place. "We should see if Cole has learned anything new." Cullen nodded in agreement, waving a glove in the direction of the staircase that would take them to Solas, Vivienne, Sera, and Cole.

 "Lead the way Bull." The Qunari turned, and it almost seemed like Cullen's army moved to open a path for the lumbering man as he moved swiftly toward their destination. Cullen hesitated for a second, casting a glance over his shoulder partly hoping that at that moment she would stumble through the rift and smile at him.

 " _Missed me did you_?" And she would laugh and smile and thank the men for taking on the demon's so bravely and she would be home and his again.

 But she didn't and the swirling mass of green remained silent and empty of any indication that she would spring out into his arms.

 So he followed the Bull.

 Solas was standing next to Cole, leaning casually on his staff, he raised his eyes as the pair neared and frowned. "I'm afraid Cole has learned nothing new." He waved a hand at the spirit who slapped a hand against the stone in anger, it was the first time Cullen has seen the boy show any emotion but the anger and frustration in his eyes was evident as he glared at the mage.

 "I'm trying!" He yelled and fisted his fingers into his hair. "Lost, broken, tapering at the edges control slipping into an abyss, how could this be it?" He frowned then bellowed in aggravation, for a second he disappeared and Cullen blinked, taking a step back before he saw him again, the boy paced back and forth waving his hands wildly about his head. "I'm whole, full, sun shining on a winter day, betrayal so thick it burnt her tongue. It was them, they caused it, knife twisting in a back, tears held by a broken damn."

 Cullen felt his stomach twist and stepped toward him, one hand on the familiar curves of his sword and the other reaching for the small boy, but he paused a second before his fingers would teach him and let his hand drop to his side. "Who was it Cole?" His voice was patient, eyes softening when the boy looked at him from under his hat, and Cole visibly relaxed a touch.

 Vivienne sighed and waved a hand. "This demon isn't going to learn anything, it would be best we just wait it out instead of placing our hopes on such a thing."

 Cullen paused, hand clenching tightly around his sword as he turned to fix a glare on the First Enchanter, she was leaning against the stone, a bored expression on her face as she picked at her nails. "Lady Vivienne," She looked up at him, one perfect eyebrow poised in question. "I believe you are needed elsewhere." He saw the corner of her lips twitch slightly, dark eyes flashing as she straightened and met his slightly angered gaze with a cool one of her own.

 "And where may that be Commander?" She placed her hands on her hips, her gaze hard, but, today in this very moment, when the only thing he had was Cole to keep him from breaking apart at the seams. He would hold his ground and not bend under the First Enchanter, not now, for his own sake and peace of mind he would not have her controlling this.

 "Anywhere, but here I'm afraid." She frowned, but did not comment further, instead she huffed a little then turned to march down the steps, still holding every bit of authority and grace she was known for. Iron Bull whistled lowly as he watched her leave, a wicked grin on his face as he turned to look at Cullen.

 "I never thought someone would have the balls to tell her off." He went to slap the Commander on the back, but Cullen didn't think he could manage having his breath knocked out of him by the man twice in a single day so he side stepped and gave the Qunari a wane smile.

 "So close yet so far, the end just right there, Creators help me now." Cullen turned to face Cole, for a second his words made his heart skip a beat, was she on the other side of the rift? Would she jump through any second? Cole opened his mouth, then paused, a confused expression crossing his face then a frown. "Gone."

 Cullen lurched forward, the single word enough to make him feel like he would fall apart at just a single touch. "What do you mean 'gone?'" Even in his own ears he sounded frantic, and for a second he tried to steady himself when the boy gave him a hopeless look, placing a hand on the stone he fought to calm his heart.

 "I can't hear her anymore," His voice so quiet, so feeble, his eyes so hopeless it felt like someone struck Cullen.

 He squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in a mouthful of air, and slowly exhaling it out through his nose. "Is there a chance you can't hear her anymore because she's close to coming through the rift?" His voice shook as he voiced the possibility, despite the fear that clutched at his mind at what it could actually mean, he held onto the tiny hope in his heart and opened his eyes to look at the boy. "Is it possible?"

 Solas placed a hand on the spirit's shoulder. "If you have other people that might need your help.." He started to say, but the boy was already gone, vanishing in the blink of an eye to run to the nearest person that might need him. Cullen turned, placing both hands on the stone and leaned his head down, another deep breath, another attempt to hold onto hope even though it was beginning to disappear in his chest. The ache hurt like nothing he has felt before, it radiated all throughout his body, pain and heartbreak and loss made his mind blur.

 Was her eyes always that blue?

 Was there freckles on her nose?

 Did her hair cover her ears?

 His mind scrambled to hold onto the image of her face, the curves of it, the angle of her cheekbones, the softness of her eyes when she looked at him. Her dark lashes that were so long and framed her eyes so beautifully it stole his breath when she looked at him for a second too long, her full lips that curled up into a soft smile when he got too flustered about something or when he stepped close enough he could see the specks of light blue around her pupils.

 Maker's breath she was so stunning, and she was his.

 And he would not give up her, she didn't give up on him when he thought the Lyrium withdrawal was too much, when he was so angered and flustered that he couldn't see past the box on his shelf. She held true to him, grabbed his hand and uncurled his fingers when he punched the bookshelf, her eyes sympathetic as she gazed up at him. " _You can do this Cullen. I believe in you._ "

 As she believed in him, he would believe in her.

 So when Solas stepped next to him, eyes gazing forward at the rift sadly. "Commander I believe we should prepare-"

 "No." His voice was strong, and he raised his head, determination shining in his eyes. "Solas go to the healer's camp, see if they need any assistance." He stood straight and turned his back to the elf, ignoring the burn of his eyes on the back of his neck. "We need to be prepared to leave as soon as the Inquisitor arrives."

 "Commander-" His voice was soft, hesitant, and Cullen felt anger stir in his stomach, how could he give up on her so easily?

 "Now Solas." He walked past Iron Bull, not looking at him as he passed and started down the steps. He would be there for her, so when she came through that rift she would see him, and know he did not give up and held true to her. With a steely determination he started toward the soldier's that still surrounded the rift, and as they noticed his approach they separated, opening a path for him to walk down.

 He paused at the front lines, gazing hard into the swirling mass of green, it made no sound, nothing, and he wondered if they would hear anything when someone came through or if it would be this quiet even as people passed through. He rested both hands on the hilt of his blade, waiting, and waiting, at some time Iron Bull joined him, standing next to him in silence. He didn’t bother to look at him, not wanting to even break eye contact with the Rift in case she came through right when he looked away, he would not miss the moment that she returned to him.

 As time continued to pass he tightened his hand on his sword slightly, _Maker please don't take her from me. The one good thing to come from my life, the one thing, please just don't take her from me._

_Maker, please_. He wasn't the man to plead from a god he wasn't quite sure would even hear him, it has been months since the words of the Chant of Light passed his lips. Yet in this moment he thought he would grovel and even take up the habit of saying the Chant every single night if the Maker would do this one thing. _Please._

  _Damn you_. He thought as time continued to pass and he could hear the shuffling of nervous feet behind him, his hand clutched the sword so tight that his knuckles started to ache. _For taking her from me, damn you_.

 His thought was cut off as the first person stumbled from the rift, Cassandra landed on her knees a small yelp escaping her lips as she rolled with the impact, her sword rolled away from her with a sharp noise and landed at the Commander's feet. He lurched forward, relief flooding through him as he reached for her hand, her fingers closing around his hand and she stood slowly, stumbling a bit as she did so, and nodded appreciatively at Cullen's help. Cullen faltered when her eyes settled on him, her dark pools showed a flash of panic, before she spun to face the rift and another rolled through it.

 Dorian cursed when he hit the ground on his feet and stumbled, he steadied himself on his staff and looked down at himself. His robes were in tatters, some parts charred other soaked in something dark. Maker don't let it be blood. "My robes!" He shook his head, and right when he was about to step away from the rift to join the crowd of soldiers, Varric came through with a shout and slammed into his back.

 They hit the ground in a mess of limbs and weapons, curses left both of their mouths as they fought to get away from each other. "Maker's breath Varric!" Dorian cursed at him and rolled away, steading himself on a rock he cast a slightly amused look at the dwarf who grinned in response.

 "Calm down Sparkler, not like your robes and hair could get any worse." The storyteller grinned, as Dorian huffed and reached up to run a hand through his dark locks.

 "Where is she?" Cullen hissed, panic settling in his stomach and chewing at his insides. Maker what if she never returned? What if she saved her friends and stayed on the other side? He asked again, his voice shaking slightly and he felt the panic grow in his chest, his heart beating almost to an erratic pace. "Where. Is. She?"

 Dorian's face paled, his eyes dancing away from the pressing gaze of the Commander, slowly the Tevinter stood, leaning against his staff as he looked at the rift. Varric hissed sharply, clutching Bianca tightly in one hand. "Come on Blue." His nickname for the Inquisitor made Cullen's heart skip, they didn't know. They had no idea where she was. Cullen couldn't grip his sword any tighter and the pressure was too much, his chest felt like it was gonna cave in on itself, like he was going to slowly cave in, collapse in on himself. Not yet, she'll come back, he gave himself a solid shake and took a deep breath. She has to.

 Each second was agonizing and every minute even worse, Dorian was whispering in Tevene and Varric was drumming his fingers against his thigh in some odd but familiar tune Cullen couldn't quite place. Cassandra briefly touched his elbow, concern making her brow crinkle, when a weapon was thrown through the rift. The daggers hit the ground and bounced away with a sharp noise that made his teeth ache, and then finally, finally, she came through the rift.

 She landed solidly on her feet, silver hair gleaming despite the dirt and, what he could only guess was blood at this point. Hawke came out after her, shouting something at her back, and with a deep determination in her eyes she raised her left hand and the mark cackled with green energy; the magic leaping up and making the rift swell.

 She closed her fist and with a loud snap it closed, leaving just a small green seam where it once was.

 He wanted to run to her, he wanted to take her into his arms and never let her go again, he wanted to hold her so tightly he would be able to feel her heartbeat against his, and when her eyes found his in the crowd of cheering soldiers and they gleamed with relief and affection he felt the weight completely disappear from his shoulders.

 Hawke spoke over her shoulder, he stood straight, a flash of grief crossing his face for a moment as he spoke and she turned to regard him, but her words were careful, hesitant as she responded to the Champion. Cullen moved to stand on the steps of the raised platform, watching her back as Hawke spoke again, a slight smile on his face. She smiled sadly back, and then a scout ran toward her, one of Leliana's people no doubt, he grabbed her attention quickly.

 "Inquisitor, the archdemon flew off as soon as you disappeared." She frowned slightly, eyes narrowing as he continued. "The Venatori magister is unconscious but alive, Cullen felt you would want to deal with him yourself back at Skyhold." She nodded in agreement, flashing an approving look at Cullen. "As for the Wardens, the one's that weren't corrupt helped us fight the demons."

 A warden in gleaming armor with a large helmet stepped up, bowing his head slightly in the direction of the Inquisitor as he pressed a fist over his heart. "We stand ready to help make up for Clarel's tragic mistake." Cullen frowned, to say that the Warden-Commander only made a simple mistake was maddening, she caused so much more than that and to think of it as something so trivial showed flaws within the Grey Warden's. Behind him he heard Karou suck in a sharp breath, and when he turned to look at her he was taken aback by the suppressed anger in her face, her jaw was clenched tightly and hands curling and uncurling into fists at her sides. "Where is Warden Stroud?" The Warden's voice was hesitant, and at his side Hawke flinched at the question, looking pained as he averted his eyes.

 She worked her jaw back and forth a couple more times, taking a deep breath and spoke. "Warden Stroud died striking a blow against a servant of the Blight. We will honor his sacrifice, and remember how he exemplified the ideals of the Grey Wardens." Her eyes turned hard. "Even as Corypheus and his servants tried to destroy you all from the inside, he was a true Grey Warden, the rest of you..." She paused, another deep breath. "Could never be as strong as he was."

 The Warden stood in shock for a moment, clearly scrambling for something to say. "We..have no one left of any significant rank," His voice shook slightly, fear obvious in his tone of voice. "What do we do now?"

 He watched as she struggled with the decision, eyes flashing from unbridled anger to sympathy. They softened slightly, a sigh passing her lips and he heard her mutter under her breath. "I cannot believe I'm about to do this..." She raised her head, eyes hard, but soft at the edges. "You will stay and do whatever you can to help, Stroud died believing the Wardens were still everything he believed in, and we will honor his memory. Rebuild yourselves, rebuild your name, allow time for people to trust you as heroes once again. In war, victory. And we are still at war. Do you believe the Wardens can help our cause?"

 The Warden fumbled, shock evident in his face. "I-I do Your Worship."

 She smiled slightly. "You are still vulnerable to Corypheus, and possibly his Venatori – but there are plenty of demons that need killing, and plenty of people you can help."

 "After all that!" Cassandra yelled in anger from Cullen's side, her jaw clenched. "You still give them another chance?"

 "The Wardens made a bad choice, they were blinded by the calling and Corypheus's claim to get rid of it completely, in a desperate situation they chose life over death and I cannot fault them for that. They did not know his true intentions, and in the end even Clarel realized the severity of her mistake." She waved her hand over the men and women in gleaming silver armor. "You may have been blinded, but I don't think you will be again, I trust all of you to make the right choice with the Inquisition's help from here on out." They cheered, fists raised high and pride still shining on their faces. "Show the people that the Wardens are still the heroes of old, that we can still trust you." The cheers grew louder, and she smiled, a worn look still on her face and Cullen felt his own pride swell for her. That is his strong woman after all.

 Hawke stepped up, grabbing her attention softly. "While they do that, I'll inform the Wardens at Weisshaupt what has happened, best not they get caught off guard as well." She smiled and gently squeezed the Champion's shoulder.

 "It's been good fighting with you Hawke."

 The man smiled. "You as well Inquisitor." He turned to walk away, Varric quickly joining his side as they left the courtyard.

 The Warden bowed to her in respect, a smile on his face. "Thank you Your Worship, we will not fail you."

 She smiled softly again, that worn look still on her face as she looked around at everyone. "I will hold you to that." She whispered, before stepping off of the raised platform.

 Cullen followed her as she weaved through the crowd, so relieved to see her graceful form again. To see the way she stopped to shake a couple soldier's hands telling them how great they were for standing true and fighting hard, to see that smile, those eyes, just to see her overall. After what seemed like another eternity she broke through the crowd and turned down a dark hallway, almost as soon as they passed into the long shadows, she grabbed his hand and pulled him into a small alcove.

 Before she could even take a breath Cullen had his arms around her and was crushing her to his chest. He ran his fingers through her hair, over her face, down her arms, anywhere he could reach to ensure that she was there he touched with shaking fingers. He was shaking with relief, she was there, in his arms, alive breathing. _Finally_. Maker _finally._ He didn't care about anything else at that moment. "Maker's breath," He growled and slammed his lips down on hers. He kissed her with everything in him, all his fear and desperation was poured into the kiss, poured through him and out and over. "Don't do that ever again." He whispered against her lips, she sighed contentedly, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck and hold him so so close.

 "Never again." She agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


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